The Mating Call. A Scientific Study. (Sort Of.)

The following is a completely serious scientific study conducted by the research team here at Doppelganger Beard Co. We have PhDs in Beard Science, Scent Theory, and Making Things Up That Are Funnier Than The Truth.

You're welcome academia.

Abstract

This study examines the effect of DBCO beard care products on human attraction, social dynamics, and the ancient biological phenomenon known as The Mating Call. Results were consistent across all test subjects, all scents, and all geographic locations including but not limited to grocery stores, office break rooms, Home Depot, and at least one Waffle House.

Background

For thousands of years humans have used scent as a primary tool of attraction. Ancient civilizations rubbed oils and resins on their bodies to signal health, status, and availability. Warriors painted themselves with fragrant compounds before battle. Kings and queens commissioned perfumers to create signature scents that would make them unforgettable.

None of them had access to Morningwood Beard Mist. We feel genuinely bad about that.

Methodology

Test subjects were instructed to apply DBCO Beard Mist or Beard Balm in their scent of choice and proceed with their normal daily activities. Subjects were asked to note any changes in the behavior of people around them including but not limited to:

• Unprompted compliments
• Unusual proximity from strangers
• Significant others behaving significantly differently
• Dogs
• That one woman at the office who never talks to anyone

Results were recorded, compiled, and reviewed by our team of extremely credentialed scientists. Two of them have beards. All of them smell incredible.

Findings

In a study of men wearing Pheromone Phoreplay, 100% reported that at least one person leaned in closer than socially acceptable within the first four hours of application.

In a study of men wearing Vacation Sex, 87% reported that someone asked if they had recently been on vacation. They had not. Their beard just smelled like they had.

In a study of men wearing Morningwood, 94% reported that their significant other made unexpected positive contact with their face within 24 hours of first application. The remaining 6% reported their significant other was out of town. We consider this a control group.

In a study of men wearing Twig and Berries, 100% of dogs within a 15 foot radius attempted to investigate further. One attempted to mark his territory. We have discussed this already. Moving on.

In a study of men wearing Naughty Nectar, 78% reported receiving a compliment from someone they had never spoken to before. The other 22% were wearing headphones and missed the compliments entirely. This is a tragedy.

In a study of men wearing Seaside Sidepeace, 91% reported that someone told them they smelled clean and fresh. Several were asked if they had just showered. They had showered hours ago. The Mist did that.

Conclusion

The data is clear. DBCO beard care products function as a modern mating call. Not in the desperate, obvious, please-notice-me way. In the quiet, confident, I-know-exactly-what-I'm-doing-and-so-does-everyone-within-ten-feet-of-me way.

The scent goes out. The world responds. You stand there looking like you planned the whole thing.

Because you did. You just ordered from DBCO. That was the plan all along.

Limitations of This Study

This study was conducted by a beard care company. We are not impartial. We are also not apologetic about that. The results speak for themselves and the results smell incredible.

Recommendations For Further Research

We recommend that you purchase a DBCO product, apply it, and conduct your own research. Sample size of one. Duration of one week. Report back via Instagram tag or a slide into our DMs.

Science thanks you. Your beard thanks you. The people around you definitely thank you even if they don't know why yet.

Disclosure

No dogs were harmed in the making of this study. One attempted to mark his territory on a test subject. We have addressed this in a previous publication. Please refer to our Survival Guide for further details.

🖤 The DBCO Research Team Doppelganger Beard Co. Institute of Beard Science and Attractive Smells